Dealing With Poisonous People…

My ex-brother-in-law is a poisonous person. He’s an E.N.T. and plastic surgeon. Think of every surgeon stereotype…

That’s right, he’s all of them.

  • Cheated on ex-wife (my sister) with a nurse. Check.
  • Treats supposed underlings with utter disrespect. Check.
  • Obsessed with amassing material wealth. Check.
  • Has a complete disregard for anything or anyone involved in supposedly non-prestigious pursuits. Check.

Hubs and I have a nickname for him: Lord Douchebag,  or LDB. He went and married the mistress/nurse, so I suppose she’s Lady Douchebag, making them LDB². Long may they reign on Isle d’ Scum, and good riddance!

Except we aren’t rid of them. Before ending their marriage, LDB and my sister had two wonderful boys, so my family remains caught in the endless give-and-take of scheduling weekends and holidays, negotiating appropriate entertainment, and crossing paths at ballgames. LDB isn’t the worst father ever, but he certainly isn’t the best, and my sister and parents routinely tend with his disses and whims.

A representative example of his antics:

LDB had the boys over Mother’s Day weekend, but my sister wanted to take them to brunch. She’s allowed to have them some on such holidays (their custody agreement stipulates  she gets them all morning and afternoon actually, but she didn’t remember at the time). According to LDB, though, they already had brunch plans…with LadyDB…to celebrate “mother’s day” with the boys. My sister was clearly upset–she’s the MOM, and the step-mom/former mistress shouldn’t take precedence.

Apparently LDB took umbrage to this assertion, informing my sister that LadyDB is a better mother.

I’m all ragey now just thinking about it. WHAT?! WHHHHHAAT?!  This from the people who parent every other weekend and Wednesday dinners? Who think playing Call of Duty and Halo 2 are acceptable “bonding” activities for boys, aged 4 and 8, especially when the older brother has some anger-management issues. Who encourage the boys to lie after taking part in stuff my sister doesn’t approve of, such as shooting guns with LDB’s backwoods relatives, and who get mad when they tell their mom.

I cannot stand these people. But the boys love them, so we (on our end) try to keep things civil.

I have no problem that LDB and my sister divorced. Sometimes relationships don’t work out. We all have our brand of crazy–the trick is to find someone who’s willing to deal with it, and vice versa. My sister can be tough to live with, and I’m sure she’d say the same of me.

Still, I have a hard time not getting bitter about the whole situation, and I don’t like how these negative emotions seem to fester. How do you deal with poisonous people without taking in a little of their venom?




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